Monday 23 April 2018

#tiptalk - why heart surgery gave me confidence ♥

White bralet - Boohoo   |  Leather skirt - Missguided - Similar
This is quite a delicate blog post that I am writing today. I don't want to offend anyone or cause distress because I know talking about a serious health topic is a sensitive subject, especially if you are about to have heart surgery yourself. Believe me, I know how serious and life threatening heart surgery can be and I am certainly not writing this blog post to take away the serious side and emotional strain it brings. It has been almost 4 years since I had heart surgery, I don't think I talk about it enough and when I was told I had to have this operation, I wanted to find someone my own age who I could relate to. I was 22 years old when I had my heart surgery and I'm going to be brutally honest here, I was really scared. I was flicking through my blog photos from the weekend and after seeing this outfit, I realised how confident and comfortable I am when it comes to showing skin. This made me think back to when I first had my operation and how much times have changed. 
I was told my aorta had expanded too much and it was in danger of bursting so I needed surgery as soon as possible. I will make a Q&A video about having heart surgery with more technical points but for today's blog post I wanted to write about how heart surgery affected me. I was a young girl who woke up flicking through magazines and trying to find her next fancy outfit to suddenly spending her evening looking at heart surgery images online. It may sound dramatic and everyone reacts to big events differently and that's okay. No one can tell you how you should react to something like that. I was told on a Thursday or Wednesday afternoon in London and I had to get a train back home straight afterwards, by myself, like nothing had ever happened. I was pushed and shoved on the train during rush hour and I honestly found my way back home in a daze. There are so many things that run through your mind and after the shock settled in, I started to think what my life would be like afterwards. 
Remember, I am writing this blog post for any young girl or boy who is about to have a big type of surgery. I never found anyone I could relate to and if this blog posts provides some comfort for at least one person reading this, whether it is a parent or young girl like myself, then I'm glad I was able to help. It may be the last thing on your mind after you wake up from heart surgery but once I had returned home after my lung collapsed during my operation, I was bed bound for quite a while. If I am being brutally honest, I spent a large majority of my time ordering roll neck jumpers because I thought my chest scar would make people uncomfortable. I began to bin the pretty dresses that I used to wear because I thought my scar would be too visible. It sounds materialistic and superficial and I know I am lucky to have a successful operation but at 22 years old, you shouldn't have to have surgery like this. To be honest, I quite liked worrying about generic problems, 'would I fit into those jeans?' or 'should I book a girls holiday?'. 
I thought I would never fit in after my surgery and after I created a routine of trying to walk further and further down my road, I soon gained my strength back and started to go outside more. I can remember my first night out with my friends again, I wore a black bodysuit and I never felt so uncomfortable. It is true that time is the biggest healer and after time I did begin to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I began to love my scar over time because as cliche as it sounds, it shows that I survived a big journey. I no longer fret or worry about things and I am more in love with fashion than I ever have been. As the years have gone by, I have tried on more plunging tops and daring necklines because I feel that life is too short to play things safe. If I want to wear something risky and run, why not? I look back at photos of me from 22 years old and I was very shy and uncomfortable in my own skin. 
Now, I love dressing up and creating new blog post photos. It has become a new passion of mine and I feel like my surgery has given me a sudden wake up call. I want to have fun and capture important memories on camera and I love the idea of looking back at photos in 10 years time and knowing that I didn't let heart surgery hold me back, if anything, I know that heart surgery has given me that push to do things I wouldn't such as wearing that daring dress to that date or not putting make-up over my scar. A scar doesn't define you, it shows you what you have experienced and holds a delicate memory on your skin, this isn't something to be ashamed of. I embrace my scar and I am really thankful I woke up from my surgery with a refreshing outlook on life, from small, unimportant tasks and to how I see myself. Don't let surgery hold you back, if anything - this is the perfect excuse to motivate you to do whatever makes you happy. If you are due to have heart surgery and would like to ask me any questions, big or small, I would love for you to email me at ♥

1 comment

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